Dating can be an absolute nightmare for
shy people. You want to meet the right person, but you’re too
scared to do anything about it.
Introductions—sticking out one’s hand and looking another person
in the eye—can be terrifying. The brain locks up as you scramble
to think of something relevant to say. You fall apart as soon as
you’re asked what you do for a living. You stammer. The heat
rises in your face and under your arms. You’re suddenly
incapable of forming a grammatical sentence. You think to
yourself, “Why would anyone care about me? I’m really not that
interesting!”
Fear not. Many shy people have
succeeded in meeting new people and forming lasting, happy
relationships. With a little practice, you can too. Here are
some tips for taming your social terror.
1. Prepare a pitch. The question, “So,
Sally, what do you do for a living?” is bound to come up, so
have a ready answer. No need to brag about capturing the company
Tidy Break room Award; just state clearly what you do for a
living and don’t apologize for it!
2. Ask questions. People love to talk
about themselves (okay, except for people like you), so ask
questions. Come up with a list before you leave the house, i.e.,
How did you get into that line of work? Where did you go to
school? Have you seen the new Brad Pitt movie? And so on.
3. When you fumble, turn the subject to
the other person. Whenever you find yourself longing to throw a
blanket over your head and crawl off, try saying something like
“And what about you?”
4. Listen to what the other person is
saying! This is important. Instead of fretting about what you’ll
say next, still the wheels of your mind and listen. If a man
tells you about his weekend on the golf course, and you know
absolutely nothing about golf, just ask him what he likes about
it, how he got into it, etc.
5. Smile. People respond well to people
who smile. No need to grin like an idiot, but a disarming smile
will get ‘em every time. Smiling conveys friendliness and
approachability. Show teeth whenever possible. Avoid looking
like a figure at a wax museum by practicing in a mirror before
you leave the house.
6. Breathe. Whenever you feel your
heart racing, breathe deeply and slowly. If you really start to
feel uncomfortable (your face has become so hot you could use it
for a wok), excuse yourself and go to the restroom.
7. Compliment the other person.
Sincerity is key, so find something you like and mention it. You
may be freaked out by the idea of complimenting a man on his
soulful eyes, so mention his watch, suit, tie, or even his
shoes. No need to go overboard: “Nice shoes,” will do it.
8. Stay on top of current events. You
don’t necessarily want to bring up your stand on Bush v. Kerry
during a first meeting, but be able to discuss less
controversial issues intelligently.
9. Remember the weather! Some people
have the “gift of gab,” the ability to make strangers feel like
they’ve known them forever. They are fearless about talking
about the weather, gas prices, whatever. Shy people worry that
talking about mundane things will make them appear stupid. But
seemingly dull subjects like the weather affect everybody.
People relate to them.
10. Hold your head up. It’s the
simplest, most effective way to look confident. Good posture,
coupled with that fabulous smile of yours, gives you a “winner’s
vibe.” You’re guaranteed to be a hit!
Be warned: These tips will not help you
if you don’t leave the house. It’s just too easy to watch a
Friends rerun for the umpteenth time instead of meeting people,
but I promise you that Prince Charming is never going to climb
through your bedroom window.
Talking to strangers can be
uncomfortable, but with practice it will surely get easier. If
you have a bad night, congratulate yourself for making the
effort. When you have a good night, understand that you earned
it. Know that countless wonderful nights are on their way to
you.
